icky icky icky

I may or may not have looked like this today as I walked to the bus:

Why, you ask???

Well, because the sidewalk to my bus may or may not have looked like this:

If there's one thing I can't stand (besides feet, poo poo curry, sitting next to screaming babies on airplanes, ugg boots, feet, and feet) it's walking on a worm-covered sidewalk after a rainstorm. I know that this veritable birdie buffet must be delightful for all things avian, but to me...it's disCUSTing!!!
Why they have to drag their ugly pink bodies out and beach themselves on my walking surface, instead of dying in the grass, I'll never know.
Oh, and one more thing....worms are gross because you don't know which side is the head. Did you just squish worm brains, or worm buttocks on the bottom of your shoe?? You could spend all morning worrying about that!
So, as I carefully dodge worm carcasses, look over my shoulder for the rapidly approaching bus, then skip to the side to avoid another pink blubber spot...I see...I see...a young mother and her toddler boy at the bus stop. And the mom...she starts...PICKING UP THE BEACHED WORMS!!! and throwing them in the grass. Ewwwwwww Ewwwwwwwww Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Did I ever mention that in elementary school my class dissected worms two or three times. I never touched the worm. I'm not sure how I managed. but I did. I didn't care what grade I got. if A+ equals touching the worm, well then...I'll take a C, please!
Then, My Dr Mr told me that he...just a second....he ATE a fried worm when his class dissected them. i contemplated never smooching him again. for a short while.

icky doo doo

I want you to imagine something:

Imagine biting into a juicy red tomato. Then imagine taking a bite of canned peach while there's still tomato in your mouth. Not such a pleasant thought, huh?

Now imagine dousing the above ingredients first in mayonnaise, then in ketchup.

BLECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I introduce you to Arethra Franklin's Summer Salad, as printed in people magazine.

She claims to have lost 85 lbs by eating salad. I can see why. I would lose weight if this salad was served to me, too! I wouldn't touch it. I'm sorry, but that dressing really does me in!

Mannerisms

Today I realized I truly married the best person on earth for me. I realize this fairly frequently, because I know I'm a Donald Duck, Jr., and I know it takes a special person to be patient with me. But today I realized it for a different reason.

As I was riding the bus home today, I saw a young man sitting at the front of the bus. He was on one of the sideways seats, so I could see his profile. He reached in his backpack and grabbed a bag of Doritos. And then he began...assaulting them. I say"assault" because his action could hardly be called "chewing." It was very disturbing to watch, and within 3 seconds, I knew I could never spend my life with that man. I don't care if he is the sweetest thing ever created, I could never forgive his potato chip chewing.

Then I remembered a co-worker down the hall from me. When this person types, you could honestly believe a thunderstorm is approaching. I've noticed that all the people that sit around this clacker wear earphones, listen to music, or look oppressed. I've never heard typing that deafening. It's really something. And it didn't take long for me to know that not only could I not spend my life with this person, I couldn't even manage sitting next to them for eight hours a day. Maybe not even one. There would be rage. brewing rage.

And finally I remembered Larry the Cereal Slurper. You've never heard such graphic slurping. It was gag-inducing. It was toe-curling. It was pain. I imagine it's the kind of soundtrack they have on loop in hell. Suffice it to say I could not spend one more minute of my life listening to that slurping without going ballistic.

After considering all these things on my five minute bus ride (while talking to my Mr. and such-girls are great multi-taskers) I realized that my Mr. luckily doesn't have these kinds of mannerisms that drive me bonkers. Not one. In fact, I find most of his mannerisms cute and alluring. I guess you might call that twitterpation.

Yogi

Did you know that I was a yoga expert before I even knew what yoga was??? Take the pic above, from a yoga/fitness catalog I get. See that impressive yoga pose?? Well, my baby seester and I used to do this ALL the time. We mastered it. It was easy. We called it "Airplane".






And how about this pose?? I could also do this pose, too.




(ps. flirt, flirt, rinny!)

boidy

photo found in March 2011 issue of Missouri Conservationist.

I just found out that the scientific name for an American Robin is Turdus migratorius.
Do you suppose this has to do with unlucky car windshields and even unluckier heads???

And now my hubby is concerned you will think he's brain dead. So, two points:

1) did you know my hubby used to be an engineering student, loves calculus and physics, and thinks analytically. Thus, Thanx 4 could logically look like a math equation. Isn't he brilliant?

2) You can't have him. He's mine. And I happen to adore the fact that he's a little behind the times with technology. I love that he doesn't have facebook, twitter, myspace, or a blog. I dunno...he likes more boy-y things like sports, and running, and he doesn't have time for those newfangled trendy things. And therefore I kinda get him to myself. And there is much rejoicing about that!

Rlly?? LOL!!!

I got a text the other day. And you know what it said...

"thanx 4 the news"

Now, most normal people would read this as... "thanks for the news."

do you know what my hubby said when I showed it to him????????

"Than times four the news?? What does that mean?"


Can you tell he doesn't text....at ALL???