the saga of the knitting grandma

Yes, it's another post about little gray people!!!

I'm taking a sock knitting class right now. I already know most of the techniques (minus a new and exciting heel technique-the peasant heel), but I adore my teacher SO, SO, SO much that I had to take it regardless. Last night was our 2nd class, and there was a new participant! A little old lady!!! My heart skipped a beat and I thought what a great evening it was going to be. Don't most ladies her age already know how to knit?? I was proud of her for enrolling in a class. She wasn't 87 or anything, but she was WAAAAAAY older than the rest of us, and she said "flitter" and had a natural grimace reminiscent of LuLu.

Then, ten minutes into class, I heard a clanking noise. A steady, rhythmic clanking noise. Now, if you know me, you know I don't do rhythmic very well. Think of the "du-duuuuu. du-duuuuu. du-duuuuu" bird on Wittry Lane (I hope it's du-duuuuuuuing the new residents to death. hehehehehehehehehe). The constant clanking noise began to awaken my inner Donald Duck. My knitting began to take back burner status, and I began to look around for the clank. Then, in a moment of inspiration, I looked over at knitting grandma...and she was clanking. What the heck??? I subtly looked under the table and saw a geriatric, orthopedic grandma shoe rhythmically whacking the metal table leg. Grrrrrrr.

Ten minutes later, another lady in the class, a lady who sits across from me, began looking around. I recognized that look- it was a clank-hunting look! She looked pretty irritable, too!!



Then we all realized something about knitting grandma. Here is an illustration:

Grandma: blah blah blah blah doll collection. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my sister's cousin's daughter's boyfriend. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah quilting group. blah blah OH DAMN IT!! I MADE A BOO BOO

teacher: grrrrrrrrrrrr. Fine, I'll come fix it.

Grandma: Okay. blah blah blah blah blah Los Angeles. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah heart attack.

teacher: okay. it's fixed. You need to repeat the last two rows. Now, everyone focus on your knitting!!!

Grandma: blah blah blah blah my exotic cats. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah FLITTER!!!!! I MADE A MISTAKE!!!

teacher: grrrrrrrr.



And before you go making the assumption that my teacher is cranky, you should know that while we all made stellar progress on our socks, Granma blah blahed and pulled out and re-knit and blah blahed the whole time! She never progressed an inch!!



And here's another vignette:



teacher: I used to LOVE this radio program that aired in Southern California. They would play three different recordings of the same symphony conducted by three different conductors. What an interesting comparison!!!

Danyell: Oh COOL! Do you remember the name of the program??

teacher: no

....................2 Minutes later......................................

Grandma: I used to listen to this program in Los Angeles where they played three different version of the same piece.........

teacher: (under breath) I JUST said that!!!



And before you again assume my teacher is crankypants...this also happened about 20 times in the course of one night!!



Annnnnd....have you every wanted to jab your eyeballs out with tiny, sharp little knitting needles? We all did by the end of the night. THAT is the level of tedium this little grandma's stories reached. Everyone in the class was "checking their blackboard" throughout the night. And to make matters worse...once I looked over at my teacher, and she gave me an exasperated hidden look. A look that communicated VOLUMES!!! and I nearly lost it Danielle style!! I started snickering. I almost snotted all over myself. I'm actually not sure how I regained my composure! i wouldn't want to embarrass poor grandma!!



And here's the best thing: at the end of class, Grandma decided she would sign up for the next sock class we're all taking. My teacher didn't look too pleased. I'm actually looking forward to it!! If you're going to like old people, you have to allow for the agonizing times as well as the adorable times!!

getting gray

One of my coworkers just told me it would be my turn to go through menopause in a few years. A few?? a FEW?? um...I'm only 28! I sure hope it's more than a few!! But, then again, I guess My Mr. and I could be cute little old people that much earlier!!

I think I'm forgiven

Remember Gerbert Bisquit from the last post??
Well, I think he has forgiven me. Today he asked if he could take me to lunch sometime. Little me, lunching with a geriatric campus celebrity!! Ohhhh SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Daniellar the Grouch

What really happened:

Riiiiiiiiinnnnng. "Hello, this is Gerbert Bisquit" (that's an alter ego, in case you were wondering. "Gerbert" is pretty much a local celebrity. everyone on campus knows him. everyone. all of them. He's also pretty much the most adorable old man you've ever seen or known, ever.)

What Danielle heard:

Riiiiiiinnnnnng. "Hello, this is "Gerrbertt Baneofyourofficeexistence." (that's also an alter ego. Gerrbertt is an account rep for a large, anonymous shipping company that has purple as one of their colors. He recently found out about my existence. And now he's the bane of my office existence. He has a 50-page, redundant shipping trend report he wants to talk over with me in reeeeeeeeeediculous detail. so I avoid his calls. I do. But the important thing to note is that both Gerberts have the same first name, and while we're at it, the same first letter of their last name.)

What Danielle said:
"I'm pretty busy right now. (sounding professional, but with a tinge of irritation, too) Is this about that report??"

Gerbert: No...(sounding professional, as always, but maybe a little sad or something, too)I need to order blah blah blah, but I don't want to bother or interrupt you.

I apologized to him. I told him I thought he was the other Gerbert that wanted to read a 50-page report with me. I assured him I had plenty of time for Gerbert Biquit...just not Mr. Baneofmyexistence and his infernal report.

He was very polite, but I feel embarrassed!

Yummmmmmmy!!!

And today I would like to share the coffee adventures of "a" coworker (you won't know whose co-worker this is, because I'm being nifty and secretive!!!)

Let's call this co-worker Gertrude. It's her top-secret code name. You'll never crack this case!!!

Gertrude likes to drink cream or milk in her coffee every morning.

Just yesterday morning, as Gertrude and her co-workers (you'll never know who they are!!!!) were waiting for everyone to arrive, Gertrude said:

"This coffee just doesn't taste the same with butter."

This of course elicited gaping mouths and shocked stares from her (top-secret) co-workers.

"I thought I'd try it, since it's the same thing as milk or cream."

ummmmmm. or not.

One of Gertrude's co-workers may or may not (it's classified) have mentioned that butter is grease. That she just put grease in her coffee.

Another of Gertrude's co-workers joked that he had put bacon grease in his coffee that morning and that it was deeeeeeee-licious. (I have clearance to tell you that information)

So, I've been giggling (secretly) and imagining butter coffee all day. for two days, actually! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

P.S. this may or may not (it's classified) remind me of a time that a young junior high school student attempted to make peanut butter popcorn. This student thought she'd subsitute oil for the called-for corn syrup. She thought they were the same. And she made rock candy. and almost burned the house down. I think I read that in a classified report somewhere.

my reading adventures, 2010

2010 was a bit of a slow year for reading. Well, for reading novels, anyhow.
There are two main reasons for this:
1) I took a graduate music research class from Jan-May. This class required that I heavily skim or completely read somewhere between 30 and 50 books. My research topic was how clarinet construction and design impacts the intonation of the horn, and on general intonation tendencies of the horn. So, I really did read a LOT this year, but I would wager none of you are interested in any of those books or articles!! (if you are...hi music nerd!!!)
2) The evil vice (aka...knitting) retains its tight grip on my life and habits. I read lots of knitting books this year. Most of them contain lots of patterns, so while they are fun to read, they aren't really like novels.

So, here is my short little list of reading for 2010:

1-I finished "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis, which I had started in 2009
2-"Shanghai Girls" by Lisa See
3-"The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis
4-"Mr. Langshaw's Square Piano" by Madeline Gould
5-"The Piano Shop on the Left Bank" by Thad Carhart
6-"Cold Comfort Farm" by Stella Gibbons
7-I began "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austen. Out of her six main novels, this is my fifth. After I finish this one, I need to read Northanger Abbey.
8-I'm not sure it's worth listing, but...I tried to read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis. It didn't really grab me like his other works, so I set it aside for now. I'll try again later.
9-I started "The Cricket on the Hearth" by Charles Dickens. It's a short little book. I didn't finish it yet because I was seduced by Mansfield Park. I'll get back to that cricket book later!

My favorite book of 2010:
I don't think this is a very easy question this year. I love "That Hideous Strength" (though not as much as the rest of that trilogy), loved "Voyage of the Dawn Treader", and I loved LOVED LOVED Cold Comfort Farm!!! It's absolutely 100% as enjoyable as the movie, if not more so!

I am a bit piano-booked out. After reading the two piano books, I swore I wouldn't attempt another for a while. They were both excellent books, but since I am practically married to a piano, much of the content of both books was already common knowledge to me...the history of the piano, its construction, blah blah blah....

my least favorite book of 2010:
I love the writing style of Lisa See. She writes so beautifully. I find I don't like her books, though. I have read two, in hopes that the story will someday be as wonderful as the writing. But it never is, and life is just too short!!

What I hope to read this year:
-finish "Mansfield Park"
-just started "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis, then I'm going to finish out the Chronicles of Narnia with "The Last Battle"
-I want to read a few composer biographies. I think Beethoven or Mendelssohn will top that list!
-I'm attempting (and I'm practically hushing my fingers, because I'm reluctant to say (type)it) to read the Daily Bible. Last time I tried to read the chronological Bible. I'm not doing that version again because I have major Donald Duck fits somewhere in Deuteronomy and tank out. This happened when I was much younger (though honestly I was mostly bored when I was younger. Now it's more Donald Duck fits), and it happened last time. So, I'm doing the vanilla one year Bible (O.T., N.T., Psalms, and Proverbs each day). And you know what...If I don't feel like reading every single word of Deuteronomy, I'm not going to!! So there. I've discovered that I like the O.T. less and less each time I read it. All I can say is...Thank God for Jesus!!!!
-I'm sure there will be more and more books about knitting and spinning!! =)
-I just watched the tv miniseries "Pillars of the Earth", and I really liked it. I hear the book is even better, so I might try it!!


Do any of you have any book recommendations???

one tater needs to clean his ears out!!!

We just saw a commercial for some music awards show that's going to air soon...

Me: ewww, I don't like her.
My Mr: Who?
Me: Taylor Swift.
My Mr: Potato Silk??????? What?
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!no. Taylor Swift.
My Mr: Tater Swift???
Me: No!
My Mr: I must have taters on the brain!!
Me: TAYYYYYYY-LORRRRRRRR Swift.
My Mr: Taylor Smith???
Me: never mind!