the saga of the knitting grandma

Yes, it's another post about little gray people!!!

I'm taking a sock knitting class right now. I already know most of the techniques (minus a new and exciting heel technique-the peasant heel), but I adore my teacher SO, SO, SO much that I had to take it regardless. Last night was our 2nd class, and there was a new participant! A little old lady!!! My heart skipped a beat and I thought what a great evening it was going to be. Don't most ladies her age already know how to knit?? I was proud of her for enrolling in a class. She wasn't 87 or anything, but she was WAAAAAAY older than the rest of us, and she said "flitter" and had a natural grimace reminiscent of LuLu.

Then, ten minutes into class, I heard a clanking noise. A steady, rhythmic clanking noise. Now, if you know me, you know I don't do rhythmic very well. Think of the "du-duuuuu. du-duuuuu. du-duuuuu" bird on Wittry Lane (I hope it's du-duuuuuuuing the new residents to death. hehehehehehehehehe). The constant clanking noise began to awaken my inner Donald Duck. My knitting began to take back burner status, and I began to look around for the clank. Then, in a moment of inspiration, I looked over at knitting grandma...and she was clanking. What the heck??? I subtly looked under the table and saw a geriatric, orthopedic grandma shoe rhythmically whacking the metal table leg. Grrrrrrr.

Ten minutes later, another lady in the class, a lady who sits across from me, began looking around. I recognized that look- it was a clank-hunting look! She looked pretty irritable, too!!



Then we all realized something about knitting grandma. Here is an illustration:

Grandma: blah blah blah blah doll collection. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my sister's cousin's daughter's boyfriend. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah quilting group. blah blah OH DAMN IT!! I MADE A BOO BOO

teacher: grrrrrrrrrrrr. Fine, I'll come fix it.

Grandma: Okay. blah blah blah blah blah Los Angeles. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah heart attack.

teacher: okay. it's fixed. You need to repeat the last two rows. Now, everyone focus on your knitting!!!

Grandma: blah blah blah blah my exotic cats. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah FLITTER!!!!! I MADE A MISTAKE!!!

teacher: grrrrrrrr.



And before you go making the assumption that my teacher is cranky, you should know that while we all made stellar progress on our socks, Granma blah blahed and pulled out and re-knit and blah blahed the whole time! She never progressed an inch!!



And here's another vignette:



teacher: I used to LOVE this radio program that aired in Southern California. They would play three different recordings of the same symphony conducted by three different conductors. What an interesting comparison!!!

Danyell: Oh COOL! Do you remember the name of the program??

teacher: no

....................2 Minutes later......................................

Grandma: I used to listen to this program in Los Angeles where they played three different version of the same piece.........

teacher: (under breath) I JUST said that!!!



And before you again assume my teacher is crankypants...this also happened about 20 times in the course of one night!!



Annnnnd....have you every wanted to jab your eyeballs out with tiny, sharp little knitting needles? We all did by the end of the night. THAT is the level of tedium this little grandma's stories reached. Everyone in the class was "checking their blackboard" throughout the night. And to make matters worse...once I looked over at my teacher, and she gave me an exasperated hidden look. A look that communicated VOLUMES!!! and I nearly lost it Danielle style!! I started snickering. I almost snotted all over myself. I'm actually not sure how I regained my composure! i wouldn't want to embarrass poor grandma!!



And here's the best thing: at the end of class, Grandma decided she would sign up for the next sock class we're all taking. My teacher didn't look too pleased. I'm actually looking forward to it!! If you're going to like old people, you have to allow for the agonizing times as well as the adorable times!!